10:18 am and so far the list of things I've done to tend to myself are minimal and limited to the those that are absolutely vital, such as a smoothie for sustenance, a much needed potty break and coffee accompanied by a cookie. See? Vital.
As I've hurried this way and that, answering the calls of the three people I love most in the world, I've found my mind dancing its way back to the lives I've been watching on the screen of my little mint green companion. It's always hard to watch the lives of others, but it's especially hard when your days blur into a string of demands cushioned by the occasional moment of rest.
I struggle because my nature is very self-centered, as is most people's. The call to love the way that Christ does, without thinking of my needs but the needs of others, is sort of a double edged sword if I let the deceiver get his way in there. Selflessness can quickly become dangerous when accompanied by quiet bitterness.
And so here I find myself, holding off on a shower and something better than a cookie to feed my hungry belly, because more than anything I want to sit with my Father and know HIS heart more than I know my own.
He never fails to supply and to knock my socks off in the process. Psalm 48:12-14 has my imagination goinging double-time and my heart so warm and full:
"Explore Zion: make an accounting, note all her towers; Reflect upon her defenses; stroll through her palaces so that you can tell the coming generation all about her. For so is God, our True God, forever and ever; He will be our guide till the end."
I'm finding myself crazy grateful for this perspective. As I sat on Hazie's floor an hour ago, taking a little break to watch my beloveds play, I took a second to take it all in. To take in their laughter, the sound of Malachi's voice when he talks to her, and the way her hands can't help but get a big fist-full of those locks of his.
Lord, let me know that we are doing this right.
And then came Psalm 48.
Thomas and I have come to this incredible place of being enamored by the character and ways of God. Moving from criticism and judgement to awe and trust has been a long and blurry road but one I can't believe we've been able to travel. The more we explore this God we serve--His character, His ways, His Words, His promises, His hands at work and His desires for His people--the better things we will have to tell to our children. You see, amidst these long, hard days of recovery, our kids will hear us have conversations of praying bold prayers, wrestling with the miraculous, and praising God for who He is and what He is doing in us and through us and for us.
"So that you can tell the coming generation about her" -about the splendor of God.
These days are long and hard--especially when two parent's sort of goes down to one because the other is laid up. But regardless of the circumstances or how many parents are involved, God is our guide to the end.
With that, I will breathe a long sigh of relief and head back to caring for my people. Thanks for making all things possible, Papa. You're truly the best there is.